For years I have never cried easily. 35 years ago (before marriage), I would pic a Friday or Saturday night to turn on the sad records, pull out the wine, light the candles and have a good night of crying. Sad movies make me tear up, but seldom do the tears get to run down my cheeks. Why do I make myself hold back? What is there?
It has been awhile since I had a good bawl. I need to feel the relief of letting go of the sadness and despondency that is plaguing me lately. I am “in my head” way too much. Hence the few blog writings since I have been feeling so distant from life. I find myself watching those around me as if I was not there – just an observer, not a participant. This distance depresses me. I feel alone and lonely – something that I haven’t felt in a long time. I find myself living in my head too much. Overthinking is a habit for me, something I thought I had mastered. I see my thinking as sabotage – it usually gets in the way of actions.
Knowing that I am not meditating, deep breathing or writing, tells me that I really need to get back to basics in my spirituality again. Affirmations, breathing, positive mantras . . . here I come.