With the celebration of my 59th birthday last month, I thought “Wow, it is nearly retirement and time to slow down and sip my tea in my fine china tea cup with saucer. Life is winding down. It is almost over for me.” Yes, that does sound slightly depressing and negative, but it has a melancholic beauty to it as well. When your life has been one crisis to another, full of roller coaster rides where all you could do is hold on and scream, the idea of peace and quiet is rather abstract, almost mystical.
I welcome the idea of quiet. I know I don’t have the energy I had just a couple of years ago, let alone when my children were young and in school. At that time I just did more . . . no matter the hour or convenience, I just got it done. Sleep was 6 hours most nights with some much less, seldom more. I needed less to do more – or at least it seemed that way.
Today, I was up at 8, back to bed at 9:30, up to stay at 11:30 because I had to go out and then napped from 4 till 7:30 (because I couldn’t keep my eyes open any more.) Now it is 1 am and sleep is elusive again. I am feeling emotional and weak – not brave at all. I need to get more walking in during the day and get going first thing rather than laying about in bed. I need to cook a meal, clean up and get some satisfaction in doing for me! Maybe getting out in the morning will do it for me. With the rain and fall in the air it is easy to crawl back into bed – but it doesn’t really feel better than a brisk walk to Starbucks for a morning coffee and journal jot.
So maybe it isn’t changes at all . . . just challenges!